THE Cavan County Board have formally requested that the All-Ireland semi-final be fixed for Drung’s pitch in north Cavan with Stephen King refereeing.

A deputation from the Cavan Board and the Drung club emerged from GAAHQ on Tuesday and told reporters they had a, ‘very positive meeting’.

The Drung secretary assured officials at Croke Park that she would ‘personally make sure Patrick Morris takes his cows off the pitch 24 hours before throw-in’, and that although there are no changing rooms at the ground, ‘it is far safer changing in the cars with the Covid and all the rest’.

She told reporters that: ‘a big advantage for locals is that the graveyard overlooks the pitch so you can go up, say a few prayers, and take in the game without breaking any guidelines.’

She finished by saying that outsiders would be welcome and that ‘unlike that shower in Clones, we won’t be charging people for parking in our front gardens’.

Meath’s odds before the Leinster final were only slightly longer than Cavan’s and about the same as Trump’s legal team.

My favourite exchange from that modern day Mad Hatter’s Tea Party was:

Judge: Do you have any evidence of fraud Mr Goldstein?

Mr Goldstein: To my knowledge, your honour, no.

Judge: Then why are we here?

Meath must have been asking themselves the same question.

The night began with the RTE sport pre-match competition.

Q. Which Johnny plays for Dublin? A. Johnny Cooper, B. Johnny Cash, C. Johnny English, D. Rubber Johnny. €4 entry fee. No Northerners.

As for what followed, Dublin are in danger of rendering Gaelic football redundant. Grown men look down. We are reminded of our lack of worth.

The stress test of a great team is how they handle underdogs. This is where arrogance, complacency, then panic and the possibility of a shock emerges.

Think Donegal, who went to pieces under the pressure against Cavan. Or Cork coming apart against Tipperary. Not Dublin.

This was their third annihilation of the underdog in consecutive weeks and David Hickey’s prophecy of 10 in-a-row is beginning to look conservative.

When watching this Dublin team, the prevailing emotion is sorrow for the opposition. This is not so much sport as public physical and psychological humiliation. I thought of the Kildare lads sitting at home drinking a can and thinking ‘thank Christ.’

I have not seen anything like this in modern sport. They are getting better, more skilful, more precise. In Croke Park they played like advanced robots. The opposition is irrelevant. They do not make mistakes.

They tackle brilliantly. Each time a Meath player soloed through, a Dub swooped in to hem him in on each side like a Trump convoy boxing in a Biden bus.

Corofin are the greatest club team I have seen, but their games are competitive. With Dublin, resistance is futile. It is getting to the point where other teams should refuse to play them.

What is the point? In the 28th minute, with Dublin 2-10 to 0-2 ahead, a Meath kick-out was broken down and James McCarthy launched himself head first for the ball as it rolled towards the sideline. By then, the RTE viewers had switched to I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here. Unfortunately, the Meath players had to stick it out.

The half-time RTE competition came as light relief. Q. Which Dublin player is called Brian? Is it: A. Brian Howard, B. Brian Boru, C. Brian May, D. Life of Brian. €5 entry fee. No Northerners.

In the second half, the only notable occurrence was when Dean Rock kicked a wide from a free and Hawkeye melted down, smoke and flames belching from the computerised unit.

The tech company who operate the system said it will have to be replaced.

Pat Spillane said afterwards that words failed him, which was the night’s only positive.