Sunday was an excellent start for the BBC in their mission to bring more GAA to the people. A marathon day of Ulster championship action began with Tyrone opting not to use the Ballybofey changing rooms after they discovered there were sheep in them. This was only the beginning of Donegal’s black op’s. Tyrone took to the field a few moments later just as three herds of cattle were being hunted off it by the McGee’s uncle, turning the pitch into a swamp. Declan Bonner told Mark Sidebottom on the Beeb that it was “ a great way to keep the grass down in these difficult times” and “a perfect day for football you know hi” as the Tyrone players slalomed around the pitch during their warm up like Ardboe men doing handbrake turns outside the Glenavon.

When Donegal scored their decisive first half goal, set up by an 80 metre kick out over the top from Shaun Patton, the referee and officials spent five minutes inspecting the ball for an inboard motor. The game was almost ruined shortly after that when Michael McKernan tried to get Paul Brennan sent off and almost succeeded. Paul patted him sarcastically around the neck and a few seconds later, McKernan brought shame on himself, his county and the game by throwing himself to the ground and writhing in agony, as though he had been attacked by the invisible man. It was humiliating even to watch. The GAA urgently need to introduce an offence of simulation, with a red card as the punishment. This is corrosive to the spirit of the game and leaves bad feeling that can last for years. Think Tiernan McCann’s identical behaviour some years ago in Croke Park which fooled the referee and got Darren Hughes sent off at a vital time in his career, a moment and opportunity that can never be returned to him.

As I predicted last week, Tyrone – without an attack plan – were totally reliant on isolated moments of opportunism to win against the head. The difference between Tyrone and Donegal is philosophy not players. Tyrone do not attack. Harte does not trust the players. In the absence of a plan, they must hope for the best.

It didn’t take long for the inaugural championship score from the Son of God. A beautiful point, the skies briefly parted and a ray of sunshine came through the cloud and beamed right onto the boy. In the second half, the boy did what he was put on earth to do. There was no danger when Patton handpassed the ball to his corner back. Suddenly, he was blinded by a mysterious ray of light and fumbled the ball to God’s son, who performed a delightful dummy on his right before sliding it to the net with his left. In years to come, GAA folk will say the bottom goals at Ballybofey was where it all started.

Donegal were undeterred, their more adventurous game plan continued to keep them in the driving seat. At 52 years of age, Paddy McGrath was brought on to become the oldest player in Ulster championship history. By then, the game had degenerated into more or less a mud wrestle in atrocious conditions. Mystifyingly, Harte took God’s son and Darren McCurry off for the last quarter, leaving them without two opportunistic predators. Tyrone got nothing out of the game, which was exactly what they put into it.

Mickey Harte was extremely upset afterwards, about everything. He was particularly annoyed that Donegal had man marked Conor McKenna. “Did you think Donegal marshalled him well?” “Marshalled? Marshalled isn’t the description I would use.” He went on to accuse Donegal of “manhandling” McKenna. It is a well known principle of Mickey’s that none of his defenders manhandle an opponent. Woe betide the Tyrone defender who breaches this rule. This is why players like Ryan McMenamin and Conor Gormley always kept their hands to themselves. One exception to the manhandling embargo appears to be where a Tyrone player jumps on an opponent and rugby tackles him to the ground. That is only “doing what any sensible player would do.” Also, lying on the ground holding your face to try to get an opponent sent off is fine. Mickey never mentioned that in the press conference.

It was a most entertaining game and the Beeb’s coverage was most entertaining, including a cameo from Kieran “Fever” McKeever, the best corner back ever to play the game. Afterwards Oisin McConville could not conceal his delight, reminding me of my late father’s line that “You can’t start enjoying the championship until Tyrone are out.” Meanwhile, God the father was too politic to wonder why his son had been taken off and Peter Harte left on.

On Sunday evening, a Vatican spokesman announced that the Catholic Church intended to dedicate the bottom goals in Ballybofey as a Class 1 relic. He explained that while class 1 is normally reserved for “time travel, bringing people back from the dead and weeping statues”, in this case “given the fact this involves God’s son, we are happy to make an exception.”